Real Forgiveness Is Hard

I used to think forgiveness was easy. If someone called me a name, or hurt my feelings, or shamed me in some way, I could just avoid them and say I forgave them but really still resented them in my heart. That’s not the kind of forgiveness Jesus requires.  In the Our Father, Jesus says, “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.” We ask God to forgive as we forgive,” and that means we have go through the hard work of real mercy and reconciliation. It might mean ironing out differences and coming to some form of acceptance.

In the early church things did not always go smoothly. For example, Paul believed that non-Jews could become Christians without being circumcised. Peter disagreed. They argued over this for some time. But finally Peter was able to admit he was wrong and the church held together. So even though Peter had been appointed head of the church, he submitted to Paul, the former Jew who persecuted Christians. Scripture does not indicate that they held grudges. It seems that they grew in understanding of each other, with God’s grace.

When we are angry, we often say things we don’t mean. When we are managers or supervisors, we might use our superior position to lord it over others. When we have been denied certain privileges, we can easily become resentful. None of us can say we always do the right thing. It takes a large-hearted person to admit a wrong and to ask forgiveness.

If we expect God to forgive us, we must forgive others. “To shut the door on a brother or sister is to shut the door on God, for it is the same door,” says Michael Sean Winters, National Catholic Reporter writer.  Openness to the one who has offended us is a requirement if we want God’s forgiveness. It’s not easy, but it is the right thing to do and can lift a burden from our hearts.