Four Things to Remember

dying: Say goodbye mourning and grief concept with the hand of a young person letting go an elderly senior who is in the final stages of life on a sky background as a symbol of heaven and emotional feelings related to terminal patients sa Stock Photo
I forgive you.

I'm reading a book entitled The Four Things that Matter Most by Dr. Ira Byock. It contains wisdom that everyone needs to know to live a happy life. The four things that we need to say are: "Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you." Byock is a physician that has cared for seriously ill people for over 40 years He shares stories of patients near the end of their lives who are able to improve their relationships before they die. But he recommends that all of us can do this even if death is not imminent.

These four statements embody what matters most in life. All parents and children have done things they regret and need to ask forgiveness and to forgive. Everyone has things to be thankful for, but sometimes we take them for granted and don't express it. And all of us need to tell family members we love them for their sake as well as ours.

The stories emphasized how hard it is to forgive parents who have abandoned or mistreated their children, but if they don't, the children carry that burden all their lives. Children must also thank their parents at least for giving them life. Moreover, they need to express their love for parents who tried their best, but because of their own baggage were not able to love adequately. These are heartrending stories, but they show how freeing the words are for both the parent and the child.

When we carry unforgiveness and hatred in our hearts, we harm ourselves more than those it is directed toward. It ruins our ability to live full joyful lives. It is like carrying around a weight that drags us down and makes us bitter and resentful. The most important message of the book is: Don't wait until you're dying or the significant other is dying to say these things. Do it now!


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
  Limping to God I come to you, God, weather-beaten and limping, asking for forgiveness for all the times I have failed to be faithful and attentive to all those around me, especially the elderly who have run the race, the poor, the lonely and abandoned, who need my care and concern.     Is there any hope for these old bones? What will it take to change my limp into a surge of energy and a ready step? Teach me to become more caring, more responsive, more aware. Give me eyes to see and the will to act on my good intentions.   Water my dried up spirit and shriveled body, expand my shrunken heart. Give me eyes to see what you are leading me to do even as my bones creak and my legs become unsteady. Make me remember that I am here to serve, to listen, to be ready to be your hands and feet today.   Barbara Mayer, OSB    
Read more
Image
    “Wonderfully Made” When I took a college English course, our first assignment was to write an essay about whether we would rather lose our sight or lose our legs. It was a thought-provoking choice. If we became blind, we would miss seeing our loved ones and all the beauty of our world. If we could not walk, we would be hindered from traveling and moving around without help. I chose to keep my eyesight since I love to read and write and enjoy the variety and beauty that surrounds us.   Of course, I’m glad I didn’t have to make that choice in real life, but it was a thought-provoking assignment. It made me think about how much we take our bodies for granted. I began to think about all the organs, veins, arteries, canals, nerves, and bones we have in our bodies and how they all work together to keep us alive and healthy. It is not until we lose one of them that we realize how magnificent we are, created in the “image and likeness of God.” God loves each and every one of us as if
Read more
Image
  Overcoming Discouragement Sometimes discouragement and failure take over our lives, and we cannot seem to crawl out of our hole. Even if in reality they are not a true picture, we can be blinded by the seeming darkness.  It often takes another person to uncover what is hidden from us and to see through the cloudy picture.  I am reminded of a story about Bill Wilson, the founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. He tells of how he felt his dream of starting a group for people with drinking problems was not going anywhere. Then unexpectedly Father Dowling, a disheveled priest, came to his door in the middle of a snowstorm. Bill’s caretaker told him that a “damn bum” was at the door. Bill was tired but agreed to see him and in doing so had his “second conversion experience.” Bil and Father Dowling talked way into the night, and Bill told of his “high hopes and plans, and spoke about his anger, despair and mounting frustrations.”  It turned out that the elderly priest had had similar feel
Read more