Loving our Imperfections

When I was growing up, I got the message that I had to be perfect to be lovable. When I realized this was an unobtainable goal, I became discouraged and felt unlovable. As I matured, I learned to accept my imperfections better, but still struggled with feeling lovable.

It took some counseling and several friendships to begin to see that people loved me in spite of my weaknesses and sometimes even because of them. They loved my hesitant speech, my extra poundage, my forgetfulness, my disorgani-zation, my tearfulness, my math deficiency. They told me just to be who I am, warts and all.

I also began to understand that I was more attracted to people who were less than perfect. If they were too self-assured, too physically attractive, too intelligent, too superior, I could not relate to them very easily. If they had no flaws, they didn't seem real. Real people have wounds and scars and unique shapes. They have suffered and grown stronger through their pain.

One of my friends has had breast cancer, heart surgery, and cancer of the palate.She has lost five significant people in her life in the past year. Yet she is one of the kindest people I know, always looking out for others and cheering people up. I am in awe of her strength and courage.

The older sisters in our care facility are also wonderful examples of growing more whole through  suffering and mellowing with age. Their lined faces are alive with smiles.They are lovable through all their wrinkles and weaknesses. They have taught me a lot about loving my imperfections.