Four Things to Remember

I forgive you.

I'm reading a book entitled The Four Things that Matter Most by Dr. Ira Byock. It contains wisdom that everyone needs to know to live a happy life. The four things that we need to say are: "Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you." Byock is a physician that has cared for seriously ill people for over 40 years He shares stories of patients near the end of their lives who are able to improve their relationships before they die. But he recommends that all of us can do this even if death is not imminent.

These four statements embody what matters most in life. All parents and children have done things they regret and need to ask forgiveness and to forgive. Everyone has things to be thankful for, but sometimes we take them for granted and don't express it. And all of us need to tell family members we love them for their sake as well as ours.

The stories emphasized how hard it is to forgive parents who have abandoned or mistreated their children, but if they don't, the children carry that burden all their lives. Children must also thank their parents at least for giving them life. Moreover, they need to express their love for parents who tried their best, but because of their own baggage were not able to love adequately. These are heartrending stories, but they show how freeing the words are for both the parent and the child.

When we carry unforgiveness and hatred in our hearts, we harm ourselves more than those it is directed toward. It ruins our ability to live full joyful lives. It is like carrying around a weight that drags us down and makes us bitter and resentful. The most important message of the book is: Don't wait until you're dying or the significant other is dying to say these things. Do it now!