Becoming our Mothers

When I was young I was determined not to be like my German mother who never wasted money on frivolities, who spent most of her time cooking and cleaning her house, who washed delicate clothes by hand, who used coupons at the grocery store, and who never bothered about being overweight. I was not going to be constrained by guilt and fear. I was determined to be a freedom-loving woman. Well, I've been able to eradicate a few of those characteristics, but I am not as free as I would like to be. I'm able to spend money on fun things, do all my laundry in an automatic washer, and try to maintain a manageable weight. But I'm still very work-oriented, always looking for bargains, have guilt feelings when I'm not being productive, and am fearful about many things. When I take time to exercise or get a massage or go to a movie, I congratulate myself on not being like my mother. But when I won't buy something unless it's on sale, fail to try something new, or need to have everything done perfectly, I know I'm becoming my mother. The way we grow up has a large effect on how we live our lives. I think we need to hold on to the good practices, but get rid of the detrimental ones. Change is hard but necessary to become our own persons. Instead of just falling into the same pattern we can stop and think, why am I doing this? Is this  keeping me from becoming a fully alive, mature person? If the answer is yes, pitch it. My mother did the best she could with her limited education and experiences. My worldview is different and I can make better choices.